as you may have noticed i have been avoiding this space. it used to be where i went to reflect on what was really beautiful in my life, because living as an expat has not been an easy journey for me (i completely suck at it actually), and i needed to see that things in my life were good regardless of where my feet happened to be. recently something shifted and my little blog began to do the opposite...so i stepped back naturally.
my little family is approaching our three year "expat anniversary", it has forced me to realise that we have put our lives on hold and i have lived outside my comfort zone for longer then i ever expected. i am simply worn out. things build up, as they do, and i have been a bit depressed and EXTREMELY homesick.
soon, four more sleeps actually, the little boys and i will board a plane to america for an extended holiday. will it help? i am not sure, but i can't wait to get there.
thank you for your comments and emails checking in with us, it warms my heart.
x
It's good to 'hear' from you. Take your time, enjoy your family & America.
ReplyDeletexoxox
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ReplyDeletethe photograph takes my breath away. it is beautiful.
ReplyDeletego gently lovely lady. times like this (your words describe a similar feeling for me, for different reasons), i sometimes find it useful to think of everything relative to each other - so you have to have some melancholy times to truly appreciate the happy ones.
thinking of you. safe journeys across the oceans.
xx
ps. above - sorry!
Enjoy your time back home with family - I hope it brings you some answers (and peace). Feeling unsettled can be very depressing. Much love to you xx
ReplyDeleteWishing you a wonderful time back home with your family Kristi, enjoy and travel safe x
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking of you and hoping that you're ok. I understand that unsettling feeling of not being where your heart desires. Take care lovely lady and enjoy the sunshine and the warmth of home. Just like Claire says, I hope it gives you peace. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI totally know where you're coming from. I wasn't in another country, but when we moved to California for my husband's job, I was suddenly 3000 miles from my mother. Long distance telephone calls were not "unlimited" and no Skype at that time and air fare was expensive. I totally sucked at being away from my family and the people around couldn't understand that, which made it worse. On top of that, it seemed like it was sunny every day and I longed for the seasons.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I see your photos and one thing I know, you go above and beyond at being at wonderful mother and making beautiful memories with your boys. Hold on to that and you'll find home...I did. XOXO Susan
Looking so forward to the arrival of the boys and you! I will make sure you get some R&R to give you a reboot. It will be fun making some wonderful memories. Give yourself a lot of credit you have managed the change in living pretty well, I think. You have always strived to make the change easy for your little ones and you have succeeded in that and you have a lot to be proud of....give yourself a lot of credit for making that happen. Life is full of challenges, just lying there waiting for us to turn the next corner. Each of us has a different journey, different challenges, different outcomes.......that's just how life goes. We all need to some times where we can just be the one being taken care of instead of always being the one taking care. I pray you find that time while you are here with me.
ReplyDeleteLove Ya, Mom
Despite your posts sometimes being darker as of late - your photos are always so beautiful and uplifting. Enjoy your trip home. I do hope it helps and that down the line you fall into the place you want to be. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope that you gain strength in your visit and your Mom will lift your spirits I am sure. She always finds so comforting words I think...
ReplyDeleteThree years is a long time being spent where you don't feel comfortable, you are strong, try to making the best out of it (at least for the boys) and I hope you and your Mr. are able to find a solution that is giving you a light at the end of the tunnel.
Sending warm wishes and have a good trip dear Kristi
I hope you find some comfort and strength in your trip. Life is never easy but your little blog kinda makes the world a better place for me. Stay smiling my lovely.
ReplyDeleteTracey x
P.S I have a new home now.
www.chalkboardliving.com
Can't wait to see you! Safe travels. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteDear Kristi. It must be so tough feeling like you are living in limbo. Reading your mum's comment, it sounds like you'll be in good hands. I hope you find the answers you need.
ReplyDeleterachel x
My husband is from Australia. I was living there for a short moment in life. I missed my family too much too stay. Although it was so beautiful there. I thought about how short life is, and that people are what matters.
ReplyDeleteHi Kristi
ReplyDeleteI've missed your postings. A whole month is waaaaaaay too long without your beautiful pictures to bouy and inspire me! I understand why you stepped away though.
Mind yourself darling. I think it's important to just 'be' sometimes. Feeling sad and depressed is just your body's way of getting your attention and saying - there's no point pretending here, I feel what I feel, and I feel homesick. Try and accept what you feel Kristi. It's ok to feel it. It makes you authentic. It makes you, you. No one in this world is better equiped than you to make yourself happy. But you need to listen to your needs first to do that.
Lots of love to you. I love your Mom's postings to you. I hope to mother like you both do when my time comes... Have a great trip resting and recuping. Take your time. And then post some more! We'll be waiting for you! x
I've been thinking of you, Hope you have a wonderful and recharging time back home. x
ReplyDeleteOh gosh Kristi, I admire you so much, for living in limbo, not really knowing what will come next. I'm like you, I think. I like to be settled, I like to have a plan. Spontaneity is something I find completely challenging. I really hope you do rest and find calm when you're in the US. Safe travels and take good, good care x
ReplyDeleteI feel for you Kristi, so sorry life has been dark for you of late ..... recharge while your home, enjoy your family & take care! Your photos have inspired me, I can't thank you enough. Sue x
ReplyDeletei so love what your mom said....those moms have a way of finding perfect words! i hope you are able to rejuvenate while in america!! i can respect your taking a break from this place because of finding yourself in a "dark spot" in your life but i hope you know that your "blog family" loves you just the same.....in fact we probably love you more for your honesty!! the blogging world can be very misleading in the fact that we tend to only write about the good & dreamy parts of our life! you're a great mommy & wife....so do give yourself credit for that!! love this picture which very much tells a story without any words! HUGS sent across the ocean!!
ReplyDeleteI admire your strength Kristi. Take good care of yourself, you deserve it xx
ReplyDeleteEnjoy being home in the heart of your family. Your blog posts are so beautiful and uplifting despite being away from your homeland. As they say: there is simply no place like home. x
ReplyDeleteKristi,
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since I've commented on your blog - but I check it regularly :) Sorry to feel you are feeling homesick. When you see your mom and dad and heather and her family I know you will feel better, and they will have kind words. Hang in there! We all love you.
Mandt
Mandy*
ReplyDeleteKristi,
ReplyDeleteYour photo above is so evocative, one of your loveliest. It has been sometime since I commented on your site, life has been tough for awhile but always I stopped by for your lovely photos and sweetness. No way in the world could you "suck" at anything your heart is waaaaay too big for that! You don't suck at being an expat you're just much better at being a pat :) LOL :D We all have our preferences in life but sometimes it's the conditions we have to accept that stretch us as people and help us to grow. I am willing to bet you will look back someday and love that you had the courage and willingness to try life in a different country, and for sure your boys will be telling you how happy they are that they got to experience both cultures and how cool their Mom was to do that...life will change again for you I am sure and the conditions will get better with time. We all have our black times, I am putting out some energy for yours to lighten soon :) Just remember that any woman that can pack up her life, kids and self and go and live as you have can do ANYTHING in life, and THAT is an awesome thing to learn about yourself is it not? Sending out vibes of joy to reach you in both your homes, how lucky are you, you have two!
Boston Giggles Fan
I know what feeling homesick feels like, too. It's hard. And you're so strong for your littles. Sending you lots of love. Hope you're having a great time with your awesome family. Give your mom and sister a big hug for me!
ReplyDeleteHi Kristi
ReplyDeleteHope your family time was lovely and you will return with a full heart.
Your absence is felt around these parts.
Warm regards from Perth.
I hope you have a lovely time back home. I am longing to go back for a visit, but I'm wondering if would only serve to make me MORE homesick when I return.
ReplyDeleteJust checking in and hoping the visit back home is adding some sunshine back in your life xx
ReplyDeleteNot sure if you are still in the u.s. or back in Australia. Either ways sending you bits of love and laughter
ReplyDeleteOh I hear you Kristi! I've been an expat in oz for 4 years now. But while I miss home, days like today where I can wear a tank top and sandals in the middle of winter remind me how lucky I am. Did you move here for work originally? xx
ReplyDeleteBeautiful pic*
ReplyDelete